With their vast lifespans and colossal bulk, elephants should be prime candidates for all sorts of cancer because cancer is the result of errors in cell replication, the likelihood of which increases with age and body mass. Rather, when I say that elephants should have cancer, I mean it in a strictly biological sense. Whether they're helping Hannibal of Carthage invade Rome, providing impromptu heads for decapitated Hindu deities, or being electrocuted on film to amuse a public in love with the new technology of moving pictures, both history and myth show elephants to be noble, majestic creatures who should be given the benefit of the doubt even if they do see fit to trample the occasional tourist. I don't mean that as a knock against elephants.
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